Super Monkey Madness 4: Escape from Lopburi

Lopburi: a city overrun with scoundrels, thieves, and pranksters. The monkeys, I mean. The people of the town are all friendly and polite, but the monkeys are ruthless...and sometimes adorable.

Welcome to Lopburi, Thailand's monkey haven

I arrive by train around noon, and as soon as I step onto the platform I'm greeted by a large red monkey sculpture. How curious. I store my backpack and guitar at the station and wander outside. Directly across from the train station there are some ruins to check out, but they don't quite compare to those I've seen in Ayuthaya the day before (how can you top that place?!). I explore them regardless, and there are some rad ass Super Mario style Bowser's Castle type gaps between some of the ancient structures.

Whatever you do, don't fall into the lava

With the sun beating down on my pastey white neck I wander further into town. It's not long until I encounter a crab-eating macaque (that's the actual name of this type of monkey). He's rummaging through some garbage on the sidewalk looking for treats. As I approach him to ask for a photo he climbs up a powerline pole and scampers off before I can get a good shot. That little rascal! I had my chance to catch a good photo of a monkey, and now it's gone. Just like that. Curse you monkey!

Spotted! Crab-eating macaque. Where's your crab, macaque??

In my brief moment of defeat I hear some clamor above me. I look up to see four monkeys chasing one another along the awnings covering the storefronts along the street. Further down a few tightrope-walk their way across power lines with the greatest of ease. There's still hope for me to acquire my monkey shot! There is in fact not just one of these monkeys in Lopburi, there are hundreds, and they all want to be your best friend (in order to steal anything and everything they can wrap their dirty little monkey hands around). Walking along the streets of this surreal place I watch monkeys sit on parked scooters and sneak up to shops in hopes of snagging a little something for themselves.

Quit monkeying around up there, you'll bump your head!

Finally I approach Prang Sam Yot, Lopburi's quintessential Indiana-Jones-style ruin with several huge golden monkey statues standing before it, with actual monkeys on top  of those statues. There are three eroded prangs making up the originally Hindu shrine (it was later converted to a Buddhist shrine, as is common in Thailand). I enter the grounds and dozens upon dozens of monkeys stare back at me.

Toss another monkey on that mini monkey's tail and we got a monkey fractal going

I whip out the ol' photo capturing device and go to town. They are all just so photogenic! As I reach out to snap a photo of one, she reaches back and tries to snatch my camera! I recoil in shock. These guys are all little kleptos! Some take turns grooming one another in social tradition, while others tail the unsuspecting park guests such as myself, plotting.

Look into the eyes of a professional thief. No remorse!

From then on it's a free for all. Baby monkeys bursting with curiosity run up to see what my shoelaces are all about, untying them and proceeding to jump up my legs before I shoo them off. One jumps onto a French woman's back and she screams in terror. This place is great.

New Animal Planet reality TV series: When Baby Monkeys Attack! Coming this summer

Raised by monkeys

It's not long before I have a monkey on my back myself. He's a determined adolescent with nothing to lose, and when I try to shake him he grips tight like a cowboy clinging to a raging bull. I give up and let him have his piggyback ride, but of course he wants more. I feel a little furry hand lunge for my glasses and that's when I go into monkey-flinging mode. I need those to see, ya dingus monkey!

Please sir, may I have some more? If you refuse I will just snatch it from from anyways

After I've had my fair share of monkey madness I wander back into the town and get lost. So lost in fact, that a Thai woman politely me asks where I'm going. That's about all the English she knows, so it's all gestural conversation after that initial question. When I gesture that I'm headed towards the train station she points to inform me that I'm walking the wrong way (I don't necessarily have the best sense of direction). No matter! She hurries back into her yard and returns smilings with a motorbike. She motions for me to hop on the back and the next thing I know this lady is carrying me through the streets of Lopburi to my the station. She drops me off and I tell her "Jai dee", meaning kind hearted. She laughs and cruises back into town.

Cruising the streets of Lopburi in style, behind a Thai mom

Seen while lost: roosters and a man burning stuff in his yard

I still have a few hours before my train departs so I post up in some ruins adjacent to the station. Some French travelers stumble in and we talk it up. They are just as high as I am on the monkey business we've just witnessed. Their train approaches and they run off. I begin to sketch a monk sitting on a nearby rock, still as the rock itself.

Fellow travelin' French friends

A friendly older Thai fellow wearing a bright yellow shirt walks up behind me and peers over my shoulder while I draw. He tries to talk to me in Thai but the scraps I know are of little help in conversation. Again, we are left with gestures. I show him some of my drawings and he looks on intently, constantly smiling. He sits down next to me and compares his tan, hairless skin to my pale, furry arm and lightly bearded face.

He scoots a bit closer and pokes my back every now and again. At this point I start to feel a little uncomfortable, but maybe this is a cultural thing, and I don't want to appear an ignorant traveler and offend. I stick it out a bit longer until it becomes all too clear that this old Thai dude is putting the moves on me. Red alert! Abort!

That creep's twisted fantasy in monkey form. That thing on his neck? Don't ask

"I think I hear my train, later!" He tries to give me a hug and grab ahold of my hand. I tear off like a cat dropped in a bathtub. At least take me out to dinner first ya old creeper! The nerve. For another five minutes or so I turn back to observe him following me through the train station. Finally I lose him after performing some expert evasive maneuvers one picks up only after living in San Francisco.

Back off, dude!

Eventually the night sleeper train to Chiang Mai arrives an hour late. Thai time is funny that way. Until then I peer over my shoulder every once in a while, half expecting to see an old Thai man scampering towards me like one of Lopburi's monkeys, looking for love in all the wrong places. Maybe that night he met a monkey that felt the same way about him that he did about it. Too far?

Here are some photos of monkeys that cannot be left out because monkeys are rad

Indiana Jonesing-it in Ayuthaya: Part II: A New Hope

Lady with her cocky pals

Back on the road in the decaying town of Ayuthaya I decide it's a fine idea to circle the perimeter of the town on my bike. I soon come to find that it's a bit larger then I'd imagined. Maybe I've bitten off more than I can chew? I'd sooner eat a handful of bat shit then give up! It's getting darker with each crank of the pedals and I'm not sporting any lights or reflectors. Of course I take the Ayuthaya Highway back. Cars and motorbikes whip past me, though it's more of a fast paced roadway than what I would think of as a highway. Heart thumping with adrenaline, I pedal like a maniac until I reach my next destination: the Ayuthaya Night Market.

Night sets in as I pedal on

Stalls of every variety explode with incredibly cheap goods. I bargain for some some sweet shades and stop into a riverside food operation for supper. That's where I meet Bob and Quan, a couple who own a home across the crocodile ridden waters of the river next to us. Bob comes from Holland and met Quan on a football club trip twenty odd years ago. They took a fancy to each other and the rest is history!

Thai kids watching a flick intently at a DVD stall

She's got a whole kitchen and restaurant on her shoulder!

The conversation begins when I ask the two for a food recommendation. Bob recommends the Yellow Crab Curry. It is as good as he claims! Bob tosses back a Chang, the local Thai beer, and tells me his story. He runs a screen printing store back in Rotterdam, and every chance he gets he and Quan return to Ayuthaya for a getaway. They have no internet or TV here. Sounds wonderful. Quan chips in enthusiastically every now and then. She makes up for her limited English with warmth. She's all smiles and bursting with love.

No pictures of Bob and Quan, but here's a monk watering a tree with some zebra statues in the background

Bob had a heart attack last year. He was legally dead for seventeen minutes. A friend of his, a French surgeon who just happened to be visiting the hospital he was growing cold in, performed a procedure (illegal in Holland) where he cracked open Bob's chest and hand pumped his heart back to life.

Now Bob's alive and well. He proudly sports a hefty rectangular electronic device beneath the skin over the left side of his chest. It regulates every single beat of his heart via satellite communication transmitted from doctors at some University far far away. He started at 60bpm, and now he's up to 70bpm. He informs me that when his heart rate is remotely increased a notch he feels pretty funny for a while.

Bob recounts to me what he saw when he died. Food for thought.

These gates pop up on the roads every now and again, the King's face is everywhere in Thailand and the people seem to love him like a big ol teddy bear (even if he's now too old to do much)

Later on I return the bike and head to B.J.'s guesthouse where I'm staying for the night. My room is literally upstairs from where B.J. lives with his entire family - wife, kids and grand kids. I wake up to the sound of my door handle being jiggled like a broken alarm at 5am. Rasping and wheezing follow.

I am in a haunted house in an ancient royal city in Thailand. The long dead Thai King Ramathibodi II has come back to reprimand me for disturbing his bat-kin inside his tomb. I reluctantly fall back asleep.

B.J., the dude who's house I slept in. The baby is borrowed for aesthetic purposes

Indiana-Jonesing it in Ayuthaya: Part I

Nothing wakes you up in the morning quite like flying towards oncoming traffic down a one way street in Bangkok on the back of a motorbike taxi with an oversized backpack in tow and travel guitar in hand. I arrive at the train station feeling like I just survived sky diving without a parachute.

The modern monk man awaits his train

After bidding a bittersweet goodbye to Bangkok, promising her I'll be back before too long, I coast an hour or so north on a train to Ayuthaya. A former capital of Thailand, the city was originally founded back in 1350 as the royal headquarters. The train chugs along past shanty towns hovering precariously over canal waters, and a seemingly endless series of cement pillars lovingly decked in some coolest street art I've ever seen.

I munched on some young mango for breakfast. A little bag of sugar and chili flakes is provided to counter the sour 

We've arrived! Ayuthaya is an island of sorts, flat and surrounded on all sides by rivers.  Countless crumbling temples cling to the arid landscape. I wonder what it all would have looked like during the city's heyday, with Thailand's king residing in one of these withering palaces. Peddling around from ruin to ruin on a rented bike (only $1.25 for a day, cheap cheap), I do what I can to explore every nook and cranny of the eroded orange brick temples.

When I asked to take a picture that dude gave me a handful of some strange plant pod and showed me how to eat it. It make my mouth all tingly and kind of numb. I ate some more

My favorite of all the ruins is the ancient royal palace, Wat Phra Si Saphet. Three enormous bell shaped chedi stand side by side in the center of the complex, while dozens of smaller stupas surround the perimeter. Some lean precariously to one side, flirting with gravity until they inevitably topple over.

A love letter from a leaning stupa: "Dear Gravity, I think I'm falling for you. Eternally yours, Stupa"

I pass a chain of tired looking elephants being ridden by some Chinese tourists. Elephant riding just isn't for me. The handlers control them by wielding sticks with metal hooks on their ends, and the elephants appear jaded, sad, and tired. It all just seems so -  parasitic.

For one day I'd like to see the elephants ride the handlers, see the tables turn, ya know?

Past the elephant path I enter the temple grounds and instantly go into Indiana-Jonesing-it mode. Curiosity bids me to climb around and see what secrets I might be able to unearth. These mysteries aren't going to unravel themselves you know! 

A hauntingly beautiful site from another ruin nearby

Chedi chedi bang bang

The central chedi is the only one who's door is open. Darkness beckons me to enter. As I stumble into the tomb, I notice the ground is blanketed with powdery little pellets that thicken with each step forward. The choking stench of ammonia oozes into my nostrils and I begin to hear something stirring up ahead. Or...somethings? I slowly creep inwards and peer up to hear the shrill squeaks and chirps of hundreds, perhaps thousands of bats. All of the winged pipsqueaks cling upside down and glare down at me as I've disturb their peaceful slumber. Maybe I'm the one who's upside down, staring down at them.

Bats and bats and bats and bats and bats

After I nearly pass out from the guano stank (I probably still smell like ammonia), I climb down the chedi and sit atop a nearby wall to render one of the mighty structures into my sketchbook. Time turns slippery when I go into drawing mode. Hours pass like minutes; I don't even seem to notice my hiney has gone numb after sitting on the bricks for so long.

My sketch for the day: a chedi sans the people posing for pictures constantly on its steps. Bwap!

Next I walk into the neighboring temple, this one the the biggest I've seen yet, fully decked out and full of Buddhists praying on their knees. It's comes complete with a towering Bronze Buddha figure that must be at least three stories tall. Am I intruding as I stroll into these temples? I am not Buddhist and know little of its traditions...to quote the great Wayne and Garth, "I'm not worthy!" Regardless, it's quite a sight to see.

That's a big ol Buddha right there

BKK - have it your Wat

Last day in Bangkok. The clock is ticking! I make plans to meet up with my Thai friend and guide extraordinaire Pii Koi for round two later that evening, but before then I must tackle more of the beast that is Bangkok. First stop is Siam, the city's financial district. Of course Pii Koi gives me expert directions on how to get there (what a doll). When I make it there the streets are lined with food and clothes stalls, most selling t-shirts sporting the signature "Shut Down Bangkok" protest motto in countless forms and designs.

Pooch wishes train would choo choo - train is indifferent

I stop and devour a bowl of noodles for dollar, and afterwards try one of the most sensational things I've ever tasted - mango slices with sticky rice, crunchy little flakey flakes and sweet coconut milk. It was like eating a wonderfully pleasant dream. In my state of ecstasy I accidentally explode the coconut milk sauce all over my shorts, leaving a very unfortunate sight upon its drying.

Noodle ladies serving it up right

Siam features a tunnel-like main street with humongous shoppings malls straddling it on either side and a tram rail up above. As I step into the Paragon Mall to try and clean up my cocojizz stain, I find myself surrounded by more fancy shops then I've ever encountered. This place is like four luxury shopping malls combined yet there seems to be no one there. How they keep it running I have no idea!

Hmm. I didn't know there was a Colorado college sporting a tiger as it's animal! Everyone knows tigers prowl the Rocky Mountains

From Siam I hop on a tram to the riverside where transport boats whisk passengers up and down the Chao Phraya River. Public transport in Bangkok is surprisingly efficient and easy to use, except I buy into the "tourist boat" scam instead of opting for the cheaper express boat. Drat! Now I know. 

Taxi boat on the Chao Phraya River

I arrive at my river stop and catch a ferry to the other side where the wondrous Wat Arun awaits. This temple complex provides a much needed serene escape from the overstimulation of the city. It's featured structure is a towering stupa covered in beautifully painted broken tiles that were recycled for their current use after a Chinese trade ship delivering them to Bangkok wrecked. A "happy accident", as the great Bob Ross might say.

Wat Arun being all majestic and tiley

Monks stroll around the grounds in their orange robes and I come across a group of Thai students in uniform gathered round a huge black metal gong. They take turns kneeling before it, rubbing both hands up and down on its center to the point that it resonates a powerful, luscious tone. Some are able to coax the sound from it, others can't quite get it. The whole process gives off the sense that the gong itself chooses who it wants to sing for. I give it a shot with no one else around. It first starts vibrating with a quiet thrum and next I'm surprised it doesn't split right down the middle it's humming so intensely! I was thoroughly zenned out by the end of it all.

The ol rub-a-gong game. Fun for all!

An incredibly steep climb brings me up the great tiled stupa. I stop to wonder how the hell this 80-something year old woman standing before me made it up there, and how on earth she plans to get back down. Where there's a will there's a way! I stop to sketch a temple below from my bird's eye view, remembering how the act of drawing gives me a sense of peace like nothing else.

Drawing the temple below from up on Wat Arun's stupa

Eventually I ease my way back down the stupa and ferry it to the other side of the river to meet up with Koi for the evening. Of course she's stylin' and enthusiastic as ever. We tread through back alleys past families watching TV and eating rice and noodle dishes in front of their homes. There's a deep sense of community here - a real close knit sort of deal. When we make it to the right restaurant Koi tells me how families in Thailand count on the young to support old, and the common practice I'm which daughters live with their parents until marriage. She breaks the mold in her own way, traveling by herself to places most wouldn't dare, and going out in the town with friends when most girls would stay home. She leads a life of her own - ya gotta respect that.

Pretty alien flower tree

We have one of the best meals I've ever had in my life - and I'm not just saying that. It's Vietnamese food with Thai influence, shrimp pancakes in plum sauce, the classic Pad Thai, and my favorite: do-it-yourself slimy rice paper wraps with bits of pork, sour mango, young banana, cucumber, spicy pepper, garlic, Thai basil and thin rice noodles. So many good things in one little bundle. I'm getting all hot and bothered just thinking about it.

Flower made of broken tiles from Wat Arun

Eating at a very leisurely pace, we compare notes on our lives. She's spent a good amount of time hanging out with my cousins Dan and Aron in both CA and BKK. Stories are exchanged and I slowly eat myself into a delightful food coma. It's just too delicious to waste! Aroy mak mak mak mak (very very very very delicious).

After our killer meal Koi takes me around to her favorite nightlife spots. Heading down streets and alleys towards the first destination we pass by late night food carts in the most unlikely of places. Prostitutes stand by confidently and patiently, and right around the corner kids chase each other in circles. Business as usual in Bangkok.

Squid cart: your one stop cart for all of your squid needs

The first joint requires a three story climb up to a rooftop bar complete with a stellar view of the city and one of the meanest Long Island Ice Teas out there. From there we head to see Khao San road at night. I thought it was wild during the day, man was I wrong. Some of the most entertaining people watching to be admired here. Drunkards and b-boys and ladyboys, oh my! We sip from a bucket filled with Thai whiskey and red bull, a specialty of Khao San road.

The last stop of the night is a nightclub featuring a rockin live band. They play some modern Thai favorites; the style is a combo of ska, punk, and alternative. Everyone there seems carefree and in love with the night. A teen Thai girl dances maniacally on stage with moves from a 60's era beach party movie. I'm not ready to leave the city yet!

Markets for miles

Interactive panorama of Phra Nakam Bar and Gallery:

http://photosynth.net/view/e1d2ef3e-2278-4005-9bd0-3154e605e40f